Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Patty Smith. Patty and her husband enjoy the kind of neighborhood so many of us would like - connected, helpful, fun - but it wasn’t that way two years ago. A simple tradition changed their neighborhood and is a good reminder of how small, consistent actions can have outsize results. It also shows you don’t have to share a kitchen or a roof to live in community.

18 months ago, I wasn’t planning on spending more time hanging out with my neighbors than with friends I’d known for decades. It started with a simple goal: my husband Tyler and I wanted that sense of community that feels like it’s only possible in the suburbs, but we believed we could achieve this while living in San Francisco. We brainstormed: should we make cookies and knock on doors? Should we invite neighbors over for dinner? Ultimately, we landed on sipping coffee on our “stoop”.

Tyler (left) and Patty (me! right) on one of our first stoop coffees

Hanging out on a stoop is not a novel concept. Unfortunately, an increasing trend of isolation has resulted in fewer and fewer neighbors gathering to connect with one another. Stooping has provided benefits to so many communities. Why not bring this concept to my own neighborhood?

Tyler and I were already having leisurely weekend morning coffees in our house, so it was an easy pivot to sit outside with our coffees and enjoy the sunshine. And thus our tradition began. Every weekend, we would bring our folding chairs out onto the street – we had to make do since our house doesn’t have a stoop – and enjoy our caffeine. As we saw people entering or exiting their homes, we'd enthusiastically wave them down, introduce ourselves, and write down their names in our shared spreadsheet. I wore a goofy tie-dyed Six Flags hat so people would remember us as “those people” and we started calling this our brand awareness campaign (but of course, we live in SF).

We met Luke a month or two after we’d been “stooping” on a regular basis. He came by to introduce himself and asked to exchange numbers so we could let him know if we’d be out there in the future, he’d love to join. At the time we didn’t realize how important this moment was for us. We’d been meeting many neighbors in passing but Luke was the first person to offer to sit with us and he wanted to know how to coordinate. In retrospect we should have been trying to get peoples’ numbers all along but hey, we were new to this!

As soon as Luke started coming to stoop we actually started to resemble a group. It was validating to see a few neighbors getting together and this quickly attracted more! We learned to bring extra folding chairs for people who wanted to drop in for “just a minute” (or ninety) and Luke started bringing homebrew coffee to share. After a while, we realized it was starting to become unwieldy texting everyone when we were going to be outside. Thus, the WhatsApp group was born. At first this was just a place to announce when we’d be out having stoop coffee, but we soon realized people wanted to connect over more things than just coffee. So we ended up converting the group into a WhatsApp Community where we could have chats dedicated to certain topics or groups and plan other types of events together. Things were starting to get fun!

A typical weekend stoop hang

The first larger event that our “stoopers” wanted to host together was a block party that soon got scoped down to a pancake party. We made a spreadsheet, assigned tasks, and acquired obscene amounts of pancake mix. We decided to host the party on the sidewalk in front of our neighbor’s garage to keep things easy and so we didn’t have to apply for permits. Gathering tables, chairs and an electric griddle was quick work with so many neighbors invested in making the party a success. The most important thing we did in preparation for this party was to print out 100 door drops to deliver to the nearest set of neighbors and post party fliers up on telephone poles. It was old school but it worked! Most of the new faces we saw were people who found out about the event through our paper invitations.

The Pancake Party in full swing

The event was a resounding success. 70+ people came by, and we added over 50 new numbers to our WhatsApp Community. From that point forward, each stoop coffee started seeing at least 10-15 faces and new people were volunteering to host. A few neighbor gatherings later – including an epic “Dipsgiving” sidewalk potluck where everyone brought a dip to share – the momentum has continued and we now have multiple events every week. During the span of a recent week in December, we had a neighborhood trash pickup, a cookie swap, a TV show watch party, a parent hang at a neighborhood brewery, and—of course—a stoop coffee.

As I write this post, I realize that the “we” from earlier in the post has grown from just Tyler and me to a “we” that represents many more people who are invested in our community. It feels like our neighborhood is thriving. The in-person gatherings continue even without much intervention from the original few who got the ball rolling. The daily chatter on our WhatsApp is so gosh darn wholesome. Someone even sold a car in our ‘classifieds’ chat! Tyler and I have made many new friends in the neighborhood, and our neighbors who never knew each other before are becoming friends with each other. Our neighborhood community is now a group of people that we rely on and who rely on us for emotional support, last-minute childcare, home-cooked meals, general comradery, and much more. The best part is that I can tell we are still early in our growth, there are still many people to meet, and I feel a palpable sense of awe when I learn about a new skill or talent that exists right next door.

• Keeping it simple: we’ve realized that some of our best events require the smallest amount of effort. To avoid burnout, we’ve intentionally kept our community building as low-lift as possible, which has the added benefit of creating space for other people to step up.

• Broadening vs. deepening: we bucket our events into “broadening” events which have the purpose of meeting new neighbors and “deepening” events which allow us to get to know our existing neighbors better. Being aware of that classification has helped us be strategic depending on what feels needed for the time and season.

• Seasonal events: Naturally, the colder months have become a better time for deepening events that often occur in someone’s home (e.g. TV show watch parties, cookie swaps, potlucks), while warmer events are better for getting together outside and broadening our community (e.g. sidewalk chalk murals, pancake parties, bonus evening stoop beers).

• The street as a third space: most of our stoop coffees are held in the street in front of someone’s driveway. This has the benefit of being visible and inviting to other neighbors, while making use of a previously underutilized space. It’s also got us thinking of other unused spaces that we can turn into community-gathering spots, such as turning a nearby parking spot into a parklet or a transit stop into a community gathering space.

• Relying on the community: It can often feel overwhelming to take on planning a big event. We started using the phrase “the universe provides” because the real magic is found in asking and giving freely within the community. It’s a daily treat to see neighbors stepping up for one another in unexpected ways now that more of us are connected!

Our biggest goal in the coming year is to help more people organize in-person events and build towards a future where the community is sustainable even if we ever (god forbid!) move away. We’ve also been looking to connect with local businesses and influence policy matters that impact our local footprint. A few of us met recently to ideate on how we can keep vibrant commerce happening at our local businesses and how to best connect with the city decision-makers responsible for issues that impact our neighborhood community. To inform where we spend our energy, we’ve been starting with the issues that folks in the community care about and want to change (yes, we asked people at a recent block party!). We are also trying to find quick wins in collaborating with the city government to show that our voices can be heard and have a positive impact.

I cherish the neighbors I’ve met and am so grateful for the many people who put time and effort into building our community (Luke and Tyler, in particular, deserve a special shoutout). As we continue to grow, I’m excited to keep learning from others – please reach out if you want to brainstorm about neighborhood community building!

Thanks Patty for sharing your story! For more inspiration on how to do things like this in your neighborhood, please also see Savannah’s post on Building Neighborhood Communities.

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And If you are interested in sharing a stoop with friends or family, check out Live Near Friends, which was started by Phil.