05 Jul, 2025
Why I am writing this?
Sometimes I’d leave an event unsure if I connected with anyone—or if anyone noticed I was there. I’d show up, blend in, talk just enough, smile just enough, and then disappear. The next morning, I’d wonder if anyone even remembered I was there.
This is what often happens to introverts trying to network. It’s not that we lack social skills. It’s that we’re playing the game without a system that fits our wiring.
I’m writing this blog as a reminder — a checklist for myself or anyone who relates — for the next professional gathering, party, or group event. A guide on what I now plan to do differently, step by step.
Before we begin: credit to the book How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes, which gave me this structure.
Before the event: shrink the unknowns
Walking into a room is easier when your nervous system isn’t in overdrive. Start with basics. Eat before you go. Most events are light on food and heavy on overstimulation. Being full helps you stay present, not preoccupied.
Add one small item to what you're wearing that gives others something to comment on. It’s called a “Whatzit.” A pin, a vintage shirt, a random book in your hand. People need an excuse to start a conversation—give them one.
Scan the news for 2 minutes. You don’t need to be a genius, but it keeps you from blanking out when someone says, “Did you see what happened today?” This isn’t about having talking points. It’s about removing friction.
Lastly, go over the Six-Point Party Checklist: Who’s going? When do you want to arrive? What’s the vibe? Why are you attending? Where is it exactly? How are you getting back? These simple questions give structure to an evening that often feels like chaos.
The moment you enter: control your signal
The most overlooked part of networking is the first 5 seconds. People scan you quickly and assign a story. You can shape that story.
Stand still in the doorway.Look around. Not like you're lost—like you're assessing. This pause signals confidence. Then pick a group that feels open and approach. No rush.
Keep your body open. Wrists visible, arms uncrossed. Your posture is your pitch. Shoulders back, chin level.
Make eye contact before you smile. Let there be a beat. Then let the smile arrive slowly. This “delayed warmth” makes your smile feel specific, not generic. It’s subtle, but people feel the difference.
Opening lines: skip the small talk trap
Most people hate starting conversations because they overthink the words. The truth is, words are secondary. Your tone, posture, and energy do most of the work.
Start with: “How do you spend most of your time?” Not “What do you do?” It opens people up beyond job titles.
Listen for what lights them up. Echo a few of their words back to them. If someone says they’re working on solar hardware, ask, “Solar hardware?”—then pause. It gives them space to explain, and shows you’re actually listening.
When they’re done, don’t jump in with your story. Wait. Let the silence breathe. If you share something in common, wait a beat before you say it. The delay makes it feel like insight, not interruption.
Mid-conversation: be the one who tracks
Keep track of the small things. Their dog’s name. The town they just moved from. That one thing they said in passing.
If you’re in a group, use their own story to spotlight them. Say something like, “You have to tell everyone about that glacier trip.” That line alone can shift how they remember you. It shows that you’re paying attention—and willing to share the room.
If the conversation stalls, don’t panic. Repeat the last few words they said with a slight upward tone. It’s called “parroting,” and it gently invites them to keep going without forcing anything.If someone says, “Work’s been kind of chaotic lately,” you can just respond with, “Chaotic lately?”—and let them take it from there.
Engaging the host: go specific, not loud
Hosts are often moving fast. Don’t waste their time with “Great party.” Say something more vivid. “The lighting is perfect.” “Everyone feels relaxed.” It anchors your presence with detail.
Offer to help with something small—refill ice, carry extra plates. Tiny acts give you visibility without performance.
Leaving well: be memorable, not dramatic
Don’t disappear. Say goodbye with intention. Use an uncommon adjective: “Had a remarkable time.” “Such a thoughtful gathering.” That small twist makes you stick.
If you connected with someone, follow up within 24 hours. Share an article, a meme, a line that ties back to your conversation. This isn’t networking. It’s reinforcement.
Write down what you remember—glacier, dog name, their startup idea. Those notes are your memory system for real relationships.
Three weeks later, check in. It’s not needy. It’s respectful. Most people forget. You didn’t. That matters.
Closing thoughts
What i have learnt is that you don’t need to work the room or become someone you’re not. Most of the time, it’s enough to show up with confidence, listen well, and leave one real moment behind. That’s the part people remember anyway.